View Single Post
Old 01-04-2012, 08:34 PM
AnnabelMore's Avatar
AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

Originally Posted by vanille View Post
I can understand him not wanting me to get serious with a guy until he has a girl to take his mind off of us.
Why? I actually see this as problematic. You opened up to him having sex with someone else even though you didn't have a male sex partner lined up -- why does he need to go first every step of the way? Because of his insecurities? Dating someone else won't cure those. If he's serious about giving you this he needs to do so because he's ready to be brave, *really* brave, not just armored by a distracting gf who, as you pointed out, could disappear.

Where are your needs in this? Why would it be ok for you to again be the one to suffer while he takes the new step first... after all, if he gets a gf first you won't have a bf to distract you from the difficult feelings that it will inevitably bring up unless you meet a guy the very next day after he starts dating.

Unless I'm missing something, this just seems way lopsided to me.

And as for the money stuff... seriously, coffee dates. Costs a few bucks. It's kind of troubling if even a few bucks is subject to a veto on his part. Yeah, you're living on his money, but isn't the idea of a marriage that you support each other through hard times? Or, you could always tell any potential new guy "This is a little embarrassing but I'm broke right now, so until I'm out of school if you want to go out anywhere I can't pick up the bill... that said, I'm more than happy to stay in and chat." Or, hell, walk in the park.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
Reply With Quote