Thread: Bi Assumptions
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Old 01-04-2012, 07:37 PM
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vanille vanille is offline
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: New Orleans, Louisiana
Posts: 76

I call myself bicurious. Though I also wonder sometimes if I'm asexual. So it's a dilemma. I did experiment in high school, though never past making out. I also developed what I could call 'crushes' on a couple of girls in high school. These were particular girls that I found very attractive and I just wanted to constantly be around. But I'm not exactly sure if that qualifies as a crush, as my crushes on boys had the added effect of butterflies in my stomach which was not necessarily the case with girls.

I could see myself dating a girl. I'm not positive if I could have sex with one. It's not that I think the idea is gross. I just have never really sexually fantasized about women going that far.

On the other hand, sometimes I wonder if I'm asexual. This makes me wonder if I'm allowed to be called bisexual at all. I am attracted to both sexes, however sex is not a natural drive for me. I'm not a extremely physical person (as far as kissing, sex, or PDA).

One argument I have for not disqualifying myself from being bisexual because of the possible asexuality is that I believe you can be heterosexual and asexual at the same time. I've been in a relationship with a man for ten years. I love him and am attracted to him. Just because sex isn't natural for me, doesn't mean I do not seek companionship.

And this leads to my final dilemma. If I am in fact bisexual AND asexual, I wonder how difficult it would be to date a girl. In the poly world, I would imagine she could have another to satisfy her sexually. However, I'm just not sure how likely that scenario is. Sometimes I imagine a V with my husband as the hinge would be for the best as then I can be close to the girl without necessarily having sex with her. Can a triad even be a possibility?

I think people who are bi may tend to be more open to the possibility of polyamory because they have already demonstrated that they are more open minded when it comes to love.

ETA: To not appear to be making a contradiction against my other threads -- while I contemplate being asexual, I do still have sex just about every other day with my husband. However, this is mainly because I know that it is important to him. I would probably never instigate if left to my own devices and would not be affected if he suddenly lost all of his sex drive.
In a relationship with Armani for ten years. New to the poly world and excited. Living in New Orleans...

Last edited by vanille; 01-04-2012 at 07:39 PM.
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