Originally Posted by NovemberRain
Because it doesn't really matter what happens with my boyfriends if I don't love me first.
I love this. I should do this. I think it is great that you found a group that is going to support you.
The thing that stuck out to me the most about your boyfriends, though, is that you keep repeating that men you are physically attracted to tend to have some sort of deficiency (alcoholism, homosexuality - in itself not bad, but not really healthy for you to focus your love on, etc). Is the physical aspect (which is what immediately grabs your attention even if it isn't the entire basis) of that potential relationship really worth the emotional pain that you can pretty much be guaranteed is following? Wouldn't it be better to pursue someone that you may not feel as passionately towards in the beginning but who would make a great partner? Granted, if the passion doesn't follow suit it probably isn't good in the long term, but isn't it possible to work up to the point where you can't keep your hands of one another instead of going for that person who makes you feel like that immediately but is also going to be neglectful or inconsiderate? Just what went through my head. It may have no actual importance in your situation.
Once again, good luck. I think everyone should learn to depend on themselves first and their significant others/family/friends second. Something I am also working on.