Yes to all of those things. He knows he screwed up, big time, and he feels awful about it. I hate that this paints him as a terrible guy, because he really isn't. He just did something *incredibly* thoughtless and stupid.
After discussing it more yesterday, I think alcohol was more of a factor than I initially thought. He seems to have a hard time putting the exact order of "what happened" together, and like a lot of mundane details of that part of the evening and afterwards are fuzzy to him. Not an acceptable excuse by any means, but does help explain some.
And yeah, I was pretty irate at him using my non-consenting family to fulfill someone else's kink, even if they didn't catch on. That in and of itself goes against some strong personal beliefs of mine. We have discussed that angle as well.