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Old 01-04-2012, 02:52 AM
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Phy Phy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 651
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There has been some discord over the last days caused by everyone of us being a bit unsatisfied with something in regard to our current living arrangement. The main factor that stirs some unrest is Sward. Everyone of us has an own pace and his is the most active and action-oriented one. He can't stand to stay idle and do nothing. Factors that add to his discomfort are his back (he can't do as he pleases), the unknown state of his working situation in some months and the state of our flat. And the last one is the main factor causing him to fell like time is running out.

As I mentioned, we planned to renovate quite a bit of our flat. Mainly the study because all three of us need to use it. Lin and I are sitting at my old desk at the moment with our PCs and Sward is using his via the TV screen in the living room. Because of a certain lack of space we had to put his PC in a small corner behind the couch, not a nice place to sit, especially with his back pain. Therefore the solution with the TV screen, he can lie on the couch surfing the net or playing some games. Downside of this was a slight feeling of being excluded, because Lin and I are sitting here together most of the time. As I said the apartment is really small, the door is never closed and we are only some steps apart, but I know what he is talking about. Getting him into the study was one of the main reasons to renovate the room.

But, even though we asked if it was OK for him if this stays like this for a while and he said 'yes, of course, no problem', he was building up some resentment. This exploded two days ago when he and Lin went to look for a desk for Lin's room and came a across as possible solution for the desk for our study (we design a three person desk where everyone can sit together, but it seemed to be too expensive). They came home to tell me about their idea. They wanted to use a long plank, put in on the wall and arrange all three PCs next to each other. Like chicken on their roost. I was totally against it and threw out the idea. Without knowing how much they invested into it. They calculated how much they would need from which material, where the cable funnel needed to be, what to do with all my stuff for university (along with the planned desk we designed some bookshelves as well) and spend half a day looking for those stuff. And I didn't give any credit for their effort.

That's why both of them were pretty pissed when I just said no, I don't want this to be build like that, I don't feel comfortable like this. That was the point when I had my first double quarrel. Both weren't please with my reaction. Lin was the first to come around and understood why I was so against it. Sward exploded during our argument, mainly because of the reason I mentioned above and secondly because of some old patterns between us that can annoy him. Those patterns are connected to my strong positioning if I have a certain opinion or view. I tend to overrule and not accept the opinion of other people if I feel like mine is a valid one. It is hard to convince me otherwise and he normally isn't as persistent as I am when we discuss the topic at hand.

The main reason for me not wanting to sit there with each of them next to me was my dislike of having just Lin next to me at the moment. I don't like it. I need my space and need to feel like I have some privacy. It can be nice to sit next to each other from time to time but I want my PC and time at it for myself alone. Most of my free time at home is spent in front of the PC. I work with it of course, but if I have some time on my hands, I surf, visit my regular sides/forums, play and look for stuff. I hardly watch TV, I grew up with the PC being my greatest hobby for home activities. And now there is someone sitting next to me, constantly checking in with what I am doing. It's like reading a book while someone is looking over your shoulder. I can't take a break like that and get away from it all.

Sward and I got into a real fight over this. He was being a bit dramatic, accusing us of excluding him, feeling like 'being put into a dark hole on the far end of the room', feeling hurt because Lin was able to do something he would have loved to do since I got this huge desk some years ago (sitting next to me) and me having secrets because I didn't want any of them sitting there. When he got too emotional and therefore started to be irrational, I left the room and we tried to calm down. It took us some time but we settled the matter and the misunderstandings within the next two hours and made up.

But it was still around, because there hasn't been any solution what to do with study. Therefore we worked on our old project and calculated what we would need to build our desk (where each will sit on a different side). When everything was finally done, measurements, material, positioning, etc. Sward and Lin got into a fight. Their first one. And the strange thing was, that I was sitting on the side and all I could think of was: Finally! Is it strange to take this for a positive sign? The argument was mainly about Lin criticizing our constant planning and planning and planning without getting things started and Sward being upset of this accusation because he would have started weeks ago to do as we planned, but felt thwarted by Lin and me. (My part in this was that I was constantly nagging about the money, what else ) But well, be that as it may, I was really glad to see that they are able to criticize each other in an open confrontation now. And that they drew their battle lines but no hardened fronts occurred. (Lin had cut his finger and was trying to fix this, Sward immediately got up and helped him, only minutes after the quarrel. They distinguished between one matter and the other, all I could do was smile contentedly.)

We will see what happens next in regard to the desk-problem. But I think everything is more than OK at the moment, even though it is strange to be happy about an occurrence like the argument we have got
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.

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