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Old 01-04-2012, 02:48 AM
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vanille vanille is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: New Orleans, Louisiana
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Oh, of course, because that's a turn-on and he's a sexist who feels your being with a woman isn't a threat (a woman isn't like real person to have a relationship with, anyway, right?).
This. I keep getting the feeling that he hopes I'll find a girl to bring into the relationship for both of us.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Do you have any money of your own (ie., from student loans)?
No and that's a problem. If I was working, I think we would both feel a lot better. We would know that I'm not here because he takes care of me. (This isn't why I'm with him, but it's at the back of both of our minds sometimes)

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Yes, you were very very brave and it certainly isn't fair. Have you told him this? Doesn't he know what you went through when he was with the hookers?
Yes, we have been talking in depth about all of this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by redpepper View Post
I have struggled with that for years! You can read about how it panned out and is panning out in my blog.... this time last year (early December) was a mess! It might be a good place to start.
I will check it out!

Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
I can tell you are beating yourself up about it, and this is feeding into your insecurities (about your chosen profession versus his, about you not "working as hard" as you feel he does, etc.) and pissing you off because he's letting it feed into his insecurities about poly and being unfair to you.
Very very true. But I only have myself to blame and I'm the only one who can get myself out of this mess.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anneintherain View Post
I dated my boyfriend a month (and would likely date anybody that long) before talking with my husband about getting the ball rolling on being sexual. Waiting gives us plenty of time to get to know somebody, and to discuss anything stressing us.
<snip>
Oh wait, read Opening Up by Tristan Taormino, discuss the checklists in there, etc.
I don't think he's going to be comfortable with me meeting anyone until it looks like someone is interested in him first

I will check that book out!

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnabelMore View Post
A month isn't that long a stretch of time. You pushed yourself when you may not have really been ready, which was not necessarily advisable, and he's not obligated to do the same.
<snip>
Is he committed to following through with opening up, or is he unwilling to do the hard work, even if it takes him longer? It can be hard to tell the difference between someone who is stalling and someone who is working, but there should be signs, or hopefully he can just honestly tell you which it is?
<snip>
All that said... maybe he really can't do this. Maybe he's not cut out for poly. Not everyone is.
I am trying to keep in mind that just because I could take the leap, doesn't mean I should absolutely force him into jumping too.

Eh.. I don't think he wants to do the work right now. I've asked him ... but I just don't get the impression he wants to try. He would rather not face the hard experience. He often says that now that he's tried it, he's not even sure if he wants to try poly anymore. But at the same time, I get the feeling that if someone showed him interest, he would be much more interested in trying poly.

That last bit is true.. he may not be cut out for this.
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In a relationship with Armani for ten years. New to the poly world and excited. Living in New Orleans...
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