Originally Posted by Tesla
II "turn off" when he starts talking about her, only nodding and/or saying, "uh huh." And if he is talking to her on the phone, my eyes probably reveal my pain and I again "turn off" and sit tight lipped and stare ahead. He tries to make me feel better, puts his hand on my leg or rubs my back or shoulder while he's chatting with her, but it doesn't change my reaction.
I agree with others who've said that you shouldn't have to "keep it inside" My husband also is of the school that talking about bad feelings gives more power to them, but for me it's the opposite, so I do what works for me.
So - a lot of people don't want to hear their partners talk to the phone to other romantic interests with them in the room, or have to hear them talk nonstop about other people (I don't know if you think he is talking about her too much, or more than he used to?)
I don't see why you don't just ask him to talk in another room? Considering you aren't an open poly couple as of this moment, and he knows you are struggling with this, it seems rude to keep subjecting you to this until you are ready to be comfortable with it.
Conversely, is part of it because you want to make sure you know what he is saying to her so you want him to have the conversations in front of you? If so you might want to ask him to have the conversations elsewhere even more, to get used to not knowing everything that is going on/being talked about between them, because if he starts dating her, they will have private stuff, and you will want to get used to that.
I am sorry for what you're going through. Just remember you cant "make him feel" guilty. Do your best to work through your feelings and see if you can or want to try this. Read the stickies and check out the website recommendations etc.