NYCindie, I think I know what he is referring to. One night he was going to a party with her, her bf, and our friend. I was invited also, but I had work early the next day and it didn't make sense for me to go (it was too far away and we were going to have to stay the night). This was a couple of days after we had a LONG conversation on the subject and I was feeling very vulnerable, angry, confused, sad....a whole stew of emotions was boiling inside of me. I didn't want him to go. We invited our friend over to hang out and then after a few hours he decided they were going to go to this party. She was upset when she realized I wasn't coming, but I was devastated when I realized they were leaving. I was actually crying.
What made me more upset was that he never called to see if I was okay. I was a complete emotional wreck when they walked out the door. I heard from him after I texted him to say goodnight, sometime around 2 and he texted back telling me how much fun they were having and that there was a room full of pillows that they were all sleeping on. Well, that sent me into another emotional downward spiral. I am sure everyone can imagine the things I started telling myself was going on. We had to have another talk after that because I needed to know what happened there (and I needed to tell him that I was upset he never checked to see if I was okay). They were apparently all laying down and cuddling all night. Well, I know it's not cheating, but it sure felt like it! Like someone punched me in the gut! Oh, he said, but we all talked about how we wished you were there cuddling with us. Gee, that makes me feel so much better. Ugh. I'm getting angry just thinking about it. Anywho, that's the time I think I really made him feel guilty about hanging out with her.
Originally Posted by nycindie
Usually jealousy is a cover-up for feeling hurt, inadequate, and often fears of abandonment. There can also be anger, loss, and a sense that you've been betrayed. When we're jealous we start comparing ourselves with others and always come up short. But it's more important to get at what's underneath the jealousy.
The most frequent google search I do is poly and jealousy because I am so prone to the emotion, so I've read a lot about it. I really liked what you shared, however. I know that my jealousy is irrational. I know I have nothing to fear from this girl. I've been thinking about it and I really think it all boils down to my horrible self esteem. I compare myself to this girl all day every day and I see all the things about her that he loves and I just beat myself up over it.
I just keep thinking over and over, how could he want to be with me after he's with her? I mean, obviously he's going to leave me once he realizes how much more beautiful (inside and out) she is, how much better in bed she probably is, how much more "together" her life is. I could go on and on. I stick her on this pedestal as some kind of ideal and I know that I'll never be her.