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Old 01-03-2012, 09:45 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

A month isn't that long a stretch of time. You pushed yourself when you may not have really been ready, which was not necessarily advisable, and he's not obligated to do the same. But he IS obligated to be whole-heartedly trying if that's what this was all about in the first place. So, that's the real question, to me. Is he committed to following through with opening up, or is he unwilling to do the hard work, even if it takes him longer? It can be hard to tell the difference between someone who is stalling and someone who is working, but there should be signs, or hopefully he can just honestly tell you which it is?

"Also, he was dissapointed in his Amsterdam experience. He says that if it's a matter of being equal, he wishes I would just sleep with some guy and call it even."

Now THIS is ridiculous. "Equal" does NOT mean evening the score. Casual sex was what he wanted and you did the hard work to give it to him. If casual sex is not what you want, then offering it to you in no way makes things equal. And saying he's ok with you being with a woman is also just silly when that's not what you want either. Geez. The fact that he thinks it matters that he didn't like sex with the prostitute seems really egotistical. Like, if he'd enjoyed it and wanted more, THEN you should be free to have whatever you want, but since *he* didn't find it satisfying you're owed nothing?? What does that have to do with anything? Is what's ok or not ok for you to do solely based on what he enjoys?

All that said... maybe he really can't do this. Maybe he's not cut out for poly. Not everyone is. But I think all here are agreed that he should try and find out, for your sake, like you did for him with casual sex.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.

Last edited by AnnabelMore; 01-03-2012 at 09:50 PM.
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