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Old 01-03-2012, 09:10 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by Tesla View Post
he doesn't want to talk to me about it anymore because he'll just be restating things he's said many times in the past
While I can understand him feeling like he's going around and around the same things with you, and having to constantly reassure someone can get tiring, it sure seems like he's made this all about HIM, and not at all about YOU.

He has these feelings for her and wants her in his life. Fine, that's his choice. But if he also want you in his life, then it seems to me like he needs to treat your needs with more consideration than he's currently doing. If the way for you to work through it is to talk about it a lot, then he needs to listen (assuming, of course, that you're talking THROUGH it as your own issue and not blaming/accusing him). He doesn't even necessarily have to respond verbally- if he's said his piece and there's nothing new to add, then non-verbal support can be good too. Just being there to listen could help a lot, since it also seems like no matter how many times he's SAID something, you aren't FEELING the way you want. "Actions speak louder than words" might apply here.

(For the record, I'm also someone who needs to talk things out multiple times to work through them, but I ALSO reached a point in a relationship where I had to say, "This is going to happen. You need to decide what you want to do about it." But that was after YEARS of communication and negotiation and him being uncomfortable with the unknown, which, turns out, can't become "known" until you try it! So I see both sides, but I identify with what you're saying and think he could handle things better.)

ETA: My husband and partner would both LOVE your name!
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack

Last edited by ThatGirlInGray; 01-03-2012 at 09:12 PM. Reason: additional comment
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