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Old 01-03-2012, 08:56 PM
arondela arondela is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
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Originally Posted by Anneintherain View Post
I read a _lot_ of books. I go to the used bookstore and browse through the self help section, and grab anything that seems useful. Self esteem, self worth, communication, relationships, anything that strikes me as being useful or interesting.
Thanks for all your advice/insight. I saw on another thread someone had posted a specific book that I'm going to check out.

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I imagine working on your self esteem would help though.
Agree, completely. It has been a life long struggle, and in a way it is unrelated to poly or even relationships at all. It's a personal battle, that can easily be triggered by other things.

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Is there any chance you could play with K without your boyfriend? Do you think that would help at all? Maybe it would be good for you to remember that she is attracted to YOU too.
That's part of the problem, K and I never even got to the point of personally discussing anything just between the 2 of us. She's more heteroflexible whereas I'm more bisexual, so I wasn't even sure exactly what level her physical attraction to me is or if she was just going along with a package deal. We were all supposed to talk about it before playing...

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I also want to point out you say contradicting things....

I am wondering if you really feel it was minor or are trying to convince yourself to see it that way so you can get past the hurt you are feeling by telling yourself it's not a big deal . So the physical act is minor, but the emotional aspects of the act obviously carries a LOT of weight for you.
Bingo, this is exactly it.

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Do you feel that he has also been super considerate of YOUR feelings and boundaries? Do you think that if you sat down and negotiated/re-negotiated boundaries that they would be respected and held to?

I know those of us who feel we are SO considerate of our partners feelings often expect others to show us the same behavior back and feel hurt when they fail to do so.
It's more that once he's in the situation where he's excited about someone, he just doesn't think of me or my feelings at all. He then feels horrible afterwards, but in the moment it's like I don't exist or am not a factor/consideration. He even he admits that I've been amazing about respecting him, taking things slow with others, giving him time/limits when he's needed them, and so on. Even to the point where when something isn't a boundary cross, I've still proceeded with caution and consideration for his feelings.
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