View Single Post
  #19  
Old 01-03-2012, 07:56 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Moderator
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,956
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by wildflowers View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
If your bf has been treating his wife with disrespect and inattention, and lavishing all the good stuff on you, I would be hesitant to be involved with him at all. I need to be with someone who can manage and balance all his relationships with love, respect, caring, and nurturing.
I would never argue with this as a goal, but perhaps it's also worthwhile to inject some realism or tolerance, given that it seems the couple is new to all this? ... It's just that to me the negativity above seemed a bit harsh.
Huh? All I'm saying is "BIG RED FLAG!" It's strange that you consider it intolerant of me to be hesitant about getting involved with someone after finding out things are not what they have seemed, and that his spouse feels mistreated. They're not that new to poly - they've been involved with the OP for nearly two years. The OP feels blindsided by stuff they were hiding from her. People who get involved with couples have to really stand up for themselves, it seems. Sure, I'd be tolerant and forgiving and acknowledge that there are inevitable bumps in the road, but I'd also be very HESITANT and CAUTIOUS.

How harsh and negative of me!
__________________
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 01-03-2012 at 08:06 PM.
Reply With Quote