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Old 01-03-2012, 09:11 AM
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Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 825

If this is important to you, stand up for it. I think you were amazing to let him try things that made you uncomfortable. After dealing with my husband doing something like having sex with a prostitute in a foreign country, NO, I would not be all "oh sure honey, hamper my ability to get to know any other man in a non PG way", since that did not seem to be your agreement ahead of time?

There are alternatives like agreeing that you can go on DATES with people who indicate interest ( etc can be handy, could be people who want to meet you, get to know you, but maybe it isn't as threatening as "oh hon, met this guy on the street who came onto me, thought I was hot, and wants to see me again) and you could actively choose to go on a date with somebody you think you have no romantic interest in but who might be a good friend (OKC's friend match % searches are pretty cool), maybe he would find that less stressful and be willing to talk through the feelings he has as they occur.

There are plenty of free or cheap things to do on dates, you can cook dinner or have dates cook dinner for you, although of course I don't think his argument that he'd be "paying" for you to date men is really what is bothering him, he seems to just be making the list of reasons why he doesn't want you to date men as long as possible so he can has lots of evidence to justify why he thinks it's a bad idea.

I dated my boyfriend a month (and would likely date anybody that long) before talking with my husband about getting the ball rolling on being sexual. Waiting gives us plenty of time to get to know somebody, and to discuss anything stressing us. I figure there is no rush to sex, and prefer to date people who feel the same (or at least respect that choice). I don't know how you see relationships unfolding for yourself timeline wise, or if you've communicated that well to your husband. He should understand that your goal is not at all the same as his - to fuck somebody to get it over with. So doing that would not mean you felt you were now "even"

I imagine your husband has some issues that are going to blow up for you soon, not sure if he's really being honest about what is bothering him, and if he isn't working on dealing with that, shit gonna hit the fan. Wish I had a good link/book to refer you to, especially since he has different desires than you (sex when is seems possible with hot chicks for a one night stand or whatever vs. sex with people who care about you) it seems like you still have a lot of things to talk about, and figure out why you are having problems/discrepancies being able to function in different ways with your different desires. Oh wait, read Opening Up by Tristan Taormino, discuss the checklists in there, etc.
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.

Last edited by Anneintherain; 01-03-2012 at 07:03 PM.
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