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Old 01-03-2012, 01:16 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 8,773

What does he mean, he'd be paying you to have sex with other men? Because you don't have any income? But it was okay to spend -- what was it, $100? -- on two prostitutes for him because he's the "bread winner" and it's his money? And it would be okay for you to be with a woman on his dime? Oh, of course, because that's a turn-on and he's a sexist who feels your being with a woman isn't a threat (a woman isn't like real person to have a relationship with, anyway, right?).

I would ask him if he is your partner or not, because if he sees everything so separately, there is a real problem before you even get into polyamory.

How would he be paying for you to go on a date with someone else? That makes no sense. Wouldn't your date be treating you, in most cases? Or is your husband going to keep track of how much gas you use and what laundry costs for you to see someone else? He needs to grow the fuck up. Do you have any money of your own (ie., from student loans)?

Originally Posted by vanille View Post
Now.. it's been a month almost and he's not ready for me to be with other men. ... I feel cheated somehow. I feel like we aren't equals. I feel like I sacrificed even though I knew it would be hard - but he won't do the same. I feel like I was brave and dealt with my personal issues.
Yes, you were very very brave and it certainly isn't fair. Have you told him this? Doesn't he know what you went through when he was with the hookers? I mean, the first one didn't go well and you sent him back out to find another one, even though you knew you had issues to work out. Come on, where's his appreciation? In essence, he is abandoning you now.

It may be that, simply, more time is needed for you both to adjust. Find out what it is that is really bothering him. It's got to be more than just supporting you financially. I mean, you are his beloved wife and partner, not his pet.

Sorry if I'm coming on too strong, but this just really irks me after what you went through willingly for him, and with such a loving, open mind.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

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Last edited by nycindie; 01-03-2012 at 01:23 AM.
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