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Old 01-03-2012, 12:57 AM
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vanille vanille is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: New Orleans, Louisiana
Posts: 76
Default Now He's Not Ready

Some of you may remember me. About a month ago, I posted a thread about my husband sleeping with a prostitute. After months of researching, we found ourselves in a limbo. We were ready to try something new, but neither of us had taken the first step. So after a lot of discussions, we agreed that he could sleep with a prostitute in Amsterdam.

It was hard at first. Really hard. But after a couple of weeks, I settled into the idea of actually being poly, instead of hypothetically being poly. And I like it. I don't resent him and I feel close to him still.

One of the things he said was that he struggled with the idea of me and another man. He figured he would be able to handle the idea better if he was the first to go. I agreed with it and let him go.

Now.. it's been a month almost and he's not ready for me to be with other men. He is okay with me dating other women. He simply can't handle the idea at the moment. It gets a little complicated since I don't work, he supports me while I go to school. It's an added greivance that he isn't comfortable paying for me to sleep with other men (as he puts it).

Okay .. he's not comfortable. I understand that. I'm not going to date men. I love him and if he asked me, I could be mono with him. BUT. There is this nagging in the back of my mind. I feel cheated somehow. I feel like we aren't equals. I feel like I sacrificed even though I knew it would be hard - but he won't do the same. I feel like I was brave and dealt with my personal issues. We've been together for ten years.. we haven't had a break in seven years. So neither of us has been with another person since. It was hard adjusting to the fact that it's no longer the case that I'm the only person he has slept with in seven years.

Part of me was a little excited to try something new. But I understand his logic and love him enough to be patient with him.

Can anyone give me some advice or insight? I'm not looking for validation for my whining about not getting everything I wanted. I'm just wondering if anyone has some thoughts on the issue.

ETA: I am only bicurious. So being allowed to explore with women is not a huge comfort.
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In a relationship with Armani for ten years. New to the poly world and excited. Living in New Orleans...
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