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Old 01-02-2012, 08:30 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
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Originally Posted by swmnkdinthervr View Post
Hi Nycindie... Thank you for jumping in! Please understand one thing...we are stressing WE meaning us as a couple when we are posting here, the intent is to let everyone know that while one person obviously is typing/composing/responding these responses we are BOTH participating in, contributing to this discussion. WE celebrate our individuality and totally support each others interests whether we share the interest or not.

We "get" the idea of allowing things to flow naturally or happen rather than try to control them but shouldn't any "primary" or the established couple be a little cautious to just opening their arms (and trust) to anyone she/he/we are attracted to...or did we miss your meaning?
Perhaps you did. Of course, yes, be cautious! There are a lot of nuts out there. I simply noticed that you were expressing yourself as a "we" in your posts, which definitely indicates a couplecentric approach, something that sometimes works in poly but often does not. I did not realize I was "talking to" a couple in my post to this thread. On this board, most couples are registered individually. For more info on that: Two People, One Username

Basically, it seems that in polyamory, it is usually viewed as a more healthy approach if a couple acknowledge that they each are autonomous with their own specific needs, even within their dyad. Poly relationships take time to nurture, and sometimes people put in a year of more before everyone gets comfortable. Most of the time, when a couple "opens up" their relationship to poly, additional relationships are usually more successful if pursued independently -- even if the ultimate desire is for involvement with everyone.

Originally Posted by swmnkdinthervr View Post
For whatever reason we've begun to get the feeling that many/some (?) here (or at least those responding here on the board, in our reading and in messages to us) are trying to make sure there is NO correlation between swinging and polyamory. Portraying swinging as something undertaken lightly and cast aside just as lightly as most perceive the partners are, our "friends" are all part of a small closed loop circle. There are potentially as many ways to "live in the swinging lifestyle" as there are to live in poly relationships and many "lifestyle" relationships could clearly be defined we're now realizing as polyamorous. ...
There are plenty of polyfolk here who also swing, or have a lot of past experience swinging -- but they are two distinctly different things. While you may have sensed judgment, it isn't necessarily against swinging, but that there tends to be a very strong need among poly peeps to make sure people understand the difference. For example, I live in NYC and if I talk to a "civilian," (basically a monogamous-oriented person) about poly, they assume it is swinging or about "open marriage" and having many casual sex partners, simply because swinging is the only form of open non-monogamy they have ever heard of. And polyamory is simply not the same as swinging or being open.

Originally Posted by swmnkdinthervr View Post
... the conservative/vanilla world is fond of labeling any alternative lifestyle.
Yeah, um, additionally, I don't consider non-poly people to be "vanilla" because I don't view poly as a kink (and I tend to dislike the term "vanilla"). Conservative or conventional, more likely. Anyway...

Polyfolk often have to work hard to erase the concept in most people's minds that poly is only about sex. And while most of us know that swingers can and often do have loving relationships with their swinging partners, let's face it - swinging is focused on sex as a group recreational activity. Many polyamorists are also poly-fidelitous, not interested in casual sex outside their poly tangle, and often include non-sexual partners among their poly relationships.

For most polyamorists, sharing love and nurturing committed, loving relationships are integral to having multiple partners. So, when someone comes here and it sounds like they are embracing poly from a swinger perspective, members here tend to make sure they understand the overall general difference in approach and attitude -- even though many, many polyfolk also swing. See also this thread: poly or swinging

Have you done much searching and reading of this forum? There are plenty of threads that have addressed some of your questions.
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.

Last edited by nycindie; 01-02-2012 at 08:41 PM.
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