Hi Redpepper...there is no question in our minds that poly is VASTLY different than any relationship we have previously considered!!!
"What it appears you're saying is simply that we could be denying ourselves and someone else what we cherish the most about our relationship and that makes a great deal of sense, we really don't want to limit ANY relationship with fear no matter how seemingly rational it might be!" Was in response to Annabel's post but we suppose it could apply to what you both were saying!
"Second part; is this to Annabel? Yes, its hard to hear that exploring other partnerships might mean becoming less attached in the way you once knew into something more autonomous. I get a great deal of what I see as seething silence after I say a lot of things and I figure that its because its hard to hear. *shrug* I don't mean to sound negative, I just say it like I see it and realize that I make little friends by doing so. I just hope that they take it with them and think about it at some point." This actually was more in response to you...we had an initial "knee jerk" reaction to your honesty without thinking it through completely, Annabel's response helped us see what you were saying more clearly. We thank you for your straight forward approach!!!
Hi Nycindie... Thank you for jumping in! Please understand one thing...we are stressing WE meaning us as a couple when we are posting here, the intent is to let everyone know that while one person obviously is typing/composing/responding these responses we are BOTH participating in, contributing to this discussion. WE celebrate our individuality and totally support each others interests whether we share the interest or not.
We "get" the idea of allowing things to flow naturally or happen rather than try to control them but shouldn't any "primary" or the established couple be a little cautious to just opening their arms (and trust) to anyone she/he/we are attracted to...or did we miss your meaning? Our continued discussion has been centered around the almost limitless possibilities for the structure of a relationship with others and how that interaction might go, we're finding that it basically breaks down to being open to whatever grows out of the connection no matter how much we talk about it.
For whatever reason we've begun to get the feeling that many/some (?) here (or at least those responding here on the board, in our reading and in messages to us) are trying to make sure there is NO correlation between swinging and polyamory. Portraying swinging as something undertaken lightly and cast aside just as lightly as most perceive the partners are, our "friends" are all part of a small closed loop circle. There are potentially as many ways to "live in the swinging lifestyle" as there are to live in poly relationships and many "lifestyle" relationships could clearly be defined we're now realizing as polyamorous. As we continue to visit more and more poly websites we find there is a visible and almost equal division between those accepting of present/former "lifestylers" and those opposed to that "stigma" for lack of a better word.
However we respect everyone's sensitivities and will attempt to use the proper "lingo" on these individual sites.
We understand some of the social stigma, the conservative/vanilla world is fond of labeling any alternative lifestyle. Sadly we are subjected to something similar because of our bisexual orientation. Even those in the "swinging lifestyle" are concerned about and sensitive to how the outside world views their actions/choices and want to make sure they are viewed in what they consider a positive light. In a nutshell "open minded" sometimes means "as long as you agree with how I/we see things!"