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Old 01-02-2012, 05:36 AM
Bricklie Bricklie is offline
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 21

Hi there,

Reading what you wrote made my heart go Ow. I have felt that pain of getting one of seven.

Everyone is right. There is enormous value in learning to be alone. Sadly, the process of getting to that zen mountain top is largely unpleasant. I've spent the last year climbing that mess and, while I'm far from the top yet, I can tell you it gets better.

The most important thing, I think, is to create a firmament in your pain. You have to separate pain from pain so it stops all looking the same--it comes in flavors. Pain of being without this one guy can come from your own personal hungers that he may not be able to cure.

One has to ask oneself why one fell in love with a guy who cannot provide the normal boyfriend stuff. I personally hate this question, but it's a necessary one.

I don't know how deeply you feel for this guy, but I'll assume it's heavy. In that case, get yourself to the point where you can present a coherent list of issues and honestly present it to your guy. If you're clear with yourself and clear with him, then the time comes for discussion, negotiation and possible changes for both of you. If he also feels a pull to spend more time with you, then perhaps he needs to make some time-edits in his life. If he cannot or will not carve out a You shape in his life, you might want to think about how much you're willing to compromise to keep him (even 1/7 of him) in your life and why.

Wishing you a happy solution.
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