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Old 01-02-2012, 12:06 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
"prescriptive" secondary basically means you're "not allowed" to ever become more than a secondary, you'll never be as valued as the primary, and if your relationship ever becomes "too threatening" to the primary relationship, you're out the door.

Compare to "descriptive" secondary, where it's more like you just happen to have your life not as entangled ... the "secondary" status just describes the nature of your current relationship, without forcing it in a box that says it will never be allowed to become something more.
Oh, is that common knowledge? I wonder how it is that I've been coming here for over a year and don't remember ever having come across that phrase! My lordy, I would never agree to someone else telling me that I am disposable and wouldn't "be allowed" to have a certain place in their life - I could only be a secondary by my choice and if my terms were met. Wow. Just wow.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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