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Old 01-01-2012, 07:38 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 10,083

Originally Posted by swmnkdinthervr View Post
We have also come to the conclusion that whoever we meet can't really be limited by gender, no matter how much we want or focus on finding a girlfriend we may find ourselves interested in a guy! Now all we have to do is figure out how/where to find that partner!
We, we, we. Watch that. You will set yourself up for heartache and drama if you only view your foray into polyamory as a "Couple +1" endeavor (this seems to be a very swingerish mindset, as swinging tends to be very M-F couplecentric). You are both two individuals in a relationship, not one unit. You each have your own wants, desires, needs, and feelings, and so will anyone you get involved with.

I think you will find things to flow much easier and more smoothly if you allow attractions and relationships to develop as they do, with one or the other of you, and remember to nurture each separately. Strive to be your partner's primary without making any new partners feel like an appendage or toy for the two of you. Cherish each person you are in relationship with as a unique individual and do not think of anyone as meant to satisfy or augment "the couple" and you will be okay.

As for the use of the word "lifestyle" in referring to polyamory, it is important to remember that there is no one polyamorous lifestyle. Your own lifestyle can include poly, and so in that sense it is perfectly fine to use that word, as in "my poly lifestyle," "our poly lifestyle," etc. But just don't assume that there is The Poly Lifestyle that everyone adheres to in the same way. The reason why the word lifestyle seems to work very well in swinging is because there are generally universally agreed-upon rules and parameters that most swingers are aware of and accept. If swingers moved around from community to community, they would speak pretty much the same lingo, have the same understanding of the accepted rules, and be able to fit into most any swinging community on that shared understanding. So it is more correct to say "The Lifestyle" for them. While polyamory also has its own lingo, it is much more customizable, and there are a gazillion ways to live polyamorously. We talked lot about the word in this thread: What is this "lifestyle" you mention?
The world opens up... when you do.

"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia

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Click here to find out why the Polyamorous Misanthrope is feeling disgusted.
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