Happy 2012, all!
It's now been just over a full year since my first post in this blog. These boards were a small part of my life to start, then became a daily thing, and lately I've been trying to cut back a little as I've found I can really eat up a lot of time here! But I'm very grateful for this community. Thank you to everyone who's ever commented on this blog, especially those of you who've followed along and lent your advice on a regular basis. It's been a huge source of help to me, to be able to reflect here with complete honesty.
It's been an eventful year, as they usually are. I:
- Started a new job that I love
- Performed in two plays out of state
- Went on several kickass trips
- Wandered into the BDSM scene, met Harry, and got to explore that side of myself more
- Started dating Davis again
- Met and fell in love with Bee
Harry's doing extremely well, btw. He's head over heels for his new gf. She's not a new person in his life, but now that they've had the chance to give things a try between them it's electric and it looks like it could be a very important partnership for them both.
I continue to fret over where things are going with me and Davis. Mostly I manage to let it go and just enjoy what we have... I do, really! There are just so many little things that make me stop and wonder "Is this the relationship I want to structure my life around?" It's all stuff I've mentioned here before, I feel like a broken record even talking about it. The spring is coming quickly and then I'll have to decide whether or not to tell my roommates that I'm stepping out of our lease (it ends in May and I'd want to give them some warning) to move in with D.
I'm thinking that if I'm this ambivalent I probably shouldn't? But I keep weighing it. It's a big, scary question to me.
Last night was really nice. Jay and Bonnie were having a New Years Eve party at their place and there were maybe a dozen people there, which I think is a perfect size for a party in a smallish house. We played doubles beer pong with Jay and Davis versus me and our friend Russ (a giant man who graciously drank my beers for me since I didn't want any) and ended up in a tie after three games. It was so silly and fun and playful.
At midnight, Davis and I kissed. It's not a tradition that has meaning for me, but it was still nice. Jay and Bonnie did too, after being cajoled by the rest of the group. After everyone else had left, the four of us, plus Davis's roommate Blaine, hung around drinking and playing a silly card game where you have to guess at what the other people are thinking. I tried to leave after the second round, but everyone roared at me to stay for one more hand. It felt good, it felt like family.
Speaking of family, Xmas at Davis's parents house passed without incident. His sister and her bf, who I had been worrying about seeing, weren't warm to me but they were in no way mean and they even gave me a thoughtful present. His parents were wonderful, as per usual.
Gia, Eric, and Bee are out of state visiting family and will return in the middle of the coming week. Before they left, I had a Saturnalia party at my house and they came, we got to spend some good time together, exchange gifts, etc. Gia gave me the most beautiful, intricate, necklace that she'd made by hand, it clearly took a lot of time to do. Love.
I can't wait to see them next.