I am bummed my previous smiley faces didn't cut and paste into my last long reply. They showed up as boxes. My reply wasn't supposed to be one long whine, just several shorter whines punctuated by smiley faces.
My life is confusing, but not terrible.
@GeminiGirl, itís so
good to hear someone else has been in the same boat. Thanks for the encouragement!
@dingedheart, during the time I have been seeing my SO, I dated one other guy. Iíll call him ďDave.Ē Dave was a friend who turned into something more involved. I will say that while the relationship with Dave was developing, I didnít feel the need to make anything more out of my relationship with my SO. Dave and I had NRE in spades and it was great seeing both men. It is arguable that Dave and I never had a chance (or a foreseeable future) from the start, but with Dave I had adventure, regular companionship, and some other wants met. I continued to see my SO once a week. Life was exciting.
Dave didnít know anything about poly and before he and I became sexually involved. Before we got serious, I told him about my non-monogamy. To assure Dave I wasnít cheating and this was all on the up and up, I offered to introduce the men. My SO would have liked that. Dave avoided the topic. Dave was a terrible communicator, after numerous, frustrating attempts bridge an emotional gap in our relationship, I finally figured out that Dave only wanted to be friends with benefits or fuck buddies. He justified this by saying he assumed this was okay with me because I was promiscuous - his translation of non-monogamous. *sigh* I lay that at Daveís feet, I donít expect all men to behave that way.
I would love a full time partner. Someone whom I could wake up to in the morning, to tell about my day when I got home to work, to plan a future with, to travel with, to take on lifeís challenges with. Live-in partners arenít all wine and roses, and realistically, very few are forever, but the right ones have some great benefits while youíve got Ďem.
My SO and I text during the day, maybe 5-6 texts. We usually text each other right before bed with a ďGoodnight, Lover.Ē This can be warming for me or bittersweet since Iím in bed by myself. We donít talk by phone often, but thatís all me, I suck on the phone. If Iím upset about something, he makes the time to come over, even if I tell him Iím alright on my own. I can feel conflicted about this, I donít want to take him away from home or his other obligations and I really will be alright, whatever it is, Iím a capable human being. I do appreciate his effort, though. Just relating this makes me a little teary.