Originally Posted by vanille
Out of curiosity, is it common for there to be two primaries? I guess I find it hard to picture two primaries in a relationship where you have been together for a very long time, and another where you have been together for a short amount of time.
I treat my two men in a way that you could call them primary. My husband of 11 years and boyfriend of now about 6 months. The second relationship is obviously much shorter but I can't 'do' relationships otherwise. I need this level of commitment, involvement, everyday life to feel at home in a relationship. Someone that comes along every other day, isn't involved in the important decisions of my life and so on, wouldn't satisfy me. We have complete mingled our lifes and we plan on continuing like this.
Granted, it has been difficult to adjust to this situation for each person involved, the most common and understandable fear of being replaced or loved less, was that of my husband when the exclusive status he had claimed up to that point in my life vanished into thin air. But that fear was shorted lived (it was topic for hardly 3 weeks) and isn't around any longer. They feel more secure in our relationship(s) than I am in fact most of the time.
To the OP: I am really sorry that you have to endure such treatment. It comes across as unloving and -caring to treat you like that. Why didn't you speak up earlier? A partner that laughs at me? Doesn't look out for my needs? Doesn't support me? Sorry but that sounds horrible. If you haven't spoken about how you feel in this situation more than once or twice during those 4 years, do it now. I can't really believe that this is possible but maybe they don't recognize what they are doing to you every day.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.