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Old 12-31-2011, 08:09 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
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Originally Posted by vanille View Post
Out of curiosity, is it common for there to be two primaries? I guess I find it hard to picture two primaries in a relationship where you have been together for a very long time, and another where you have been together for a short amount of time.
I live with my two primaries. I call them that because when push comes to shove and there is a need for support financially, care for my child or care for me, these two men would be who I depend on. One I have been married to for 10 years and the other I have been with for three. The time and marriage I have is not worthy of more of a position in my life. I don't subscribe to that, and many don't. I alos have another bf and a gf and they are just as important but in different ways. It is possible to have a situation as NovemberRain. Its possible to have any poly dynamic you choose as long as there is responsibility to honesty, open communication, consideration, integrity and a loving base with which to start from and nurture... at least that is what I subscribe to. The rest is up to interpretation.

NR, is this a vee you describe? You say you have been "involved with them," but that the romantic relationship is with him. That would mean a vee, but perhaps an emotional triad.

What kind of agreement do you have with them? It sounds like you aren't getting your needs met. Is it possible if after addressing how you feel and if they are unwilling or unable to change you could find yourself another partner that would show you more attention in the way you deserve or perhaps leave them and find someone more able to fill your needs? It just sounds like this relationship is either done or in need of a big over haul in terms of having some deep conversations and some really honest and open communication about what is okay and what isn't okay as far as you are concerned. They sound emotionally abusive and dismissive, never mind neglectful. How would you feel about telling them that is how you feel (provided you agree of course)?
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