Him: Your profile is like an Abilify commercial, 80% disclaimers. I have a hard time believing you use the site. I've got a notion you are some kind of demographer. I first started using okcupid to write a story about it. But things got weird.
I could never imagine an open marriage. I bet a lot of guys will message you little critiques of your circumstance. You'll find a large number of sexually-repressed Catholics in this city.
And this brings me to god. I don't like to talk about it sometimes and now.
Me: I don't get a lot of messages. I'm guessing that's due to the disclaimers. I keep em up just for that. No one has ever messaged me with a critique. Actually, some have messaged me wanting to learn more about polyamory.
Good thing I'm an Atheist.
Him: Well the notion of god serves a political function that I believe remains very real, American life's greatest contradiction. Contradiction because LGBT-run network television coexists with yuppie culture (*problematic). There is a Built to Spill line from 'Untrustable,' "god is whoever you're performing for / and god is whoever you perform for." Within this open definintion 'god' is family friends fucks social convention academia your mortgage your bossman. This 'network of gods' serves the same function as a god 'who acts in the world.' And I believe this network is more powerful than any external force could wish to be. So if atheism (to me) means withdrawel from social control, polyamory sensibly and naturally follows. I find some flaws in this last statement. Mostly polyamory just diffuses the influence of fucks...
Me: I can't say your message is very clear.
Him: Well I'm trying to say that belief in god or atheism is irrelevant since a god-function (the separate but equal mixture of culture, $, tradition, anti-tradition, and nihilism) is embedded in the fabric of American society. I know it's not clear and I'm not clear. I'll blame it on the inadequacies of language, but I know that's a cheap escape.
I try too hard with textual interface. The above treatise is proof. The term 'textual interface' is proof as well. I get started and I can't stop going into narcissistic digressions.
And why am I trying to talk to you about god??
Me: Haha. I fear the act of trying to be clear prevents you from being clear sometimes if you try too hard. It's not uncommon. Or perhaps most Americans are dumbed down to the point that they can't understand anything with lots of words. I promise I'm not dumb, I just believe that I'm most clear when I speak as simply as possible.
I don't know. I took your first message as saying you don't like to talk about god.
I'm still left unclear as to your stance in polyamory.
Him: It's not that I don't like to talk about god. My primary form of entertainment during my pre-collegiate years was deconstructing the Catholic ideal. I've just been having some issues facing my mortality lately. You know, the whole terrifying nothingness.
I'm not even clear as to my stance on love. My treatise on love is better prepared. It's all about meta-messages, intended messages and unintended messages. Begins with the Samuel Beckett quote, "All love is self-love." So I don't know my stance love.
Me: Death reminds me that this life is but a moment that will some day be forever lost. It's a reminder how precious life is and how much each moment should be treasured. I do not believe in an afterlife. So I live and love as though this is it.
Him: Is death a reminder to live without self-control or self-awareness? Do you believe man is a beast? What seperates you from the ape (don't take offense to this) in your nihilistic experience? Is the goal to live instinctively? Is love an instinct? Why am I asking so many questions?
Me: I am a scientist. I don't think there is anything supernatural or special about being human. I don't think we are any different than the animals except that we drew the longer straw and get to be called "top dog". We destroy everything and rarely leave things better than we found them. In all that, death still reminds me that I am absurdly lucky to be able to experience any of this even if only for a brief instant. Is love an instinct? Well I believe in biology and psychology. So I think there are biological things going on when we are attracted to someone. As for why we call it love and choose to stay with them - well that's psychology and sociology. I don't believe love is some unknowable thing that is bigger than we can ever imagine. To me, it's chemicals and sociological events.
In a relationship with Armani for ten years. New to the poly world and excited. Living in New Orleans...
Last edited by vanille; 12-31-2011 at 06:40 AM.