Originally Posted by risingscarlet
Your boyfriend is choosing to remain 'under the wing' of his parents, and they are treating him as child because of it.
Some parents will treat you like a child and try to limit your lifestyle choices no matter what age you are -- we've had stories here from people whose parents have absolutely freaked out at their poly relationships even though they were adults, long moved out and even married with children of their own. In contrast, I had my first poly relationship in high school and though my parents asked questions they accepted it once they were sure I was ok and didn't try to force me to change, which would almost certainly have just bred resentment and rebellion in me anyway.
Due to the fact that they invaded his phone, a deeply messed up action which isn't ok to do to someone who actually *is* a minor unless you're worried for his or her safety, I'm doubtful that they would respect his choices even if he was moved out.
Another thought -- what if he was 40 and had lost his job and had no choice but to move in with his parents for a period of time. Would they have the right to tell him who he could date then?
I get that people have different opinions, but to me this situation is very simple. He's over the age of majority, he's making his own way in the world and paying his own bills, and yes they're being kind by allowing him to live rent-free, but he is an adult and it sounds like he's acting like one so he deserves to be treated like someone who can make his own romantic choices and has a right to basic personal privacy. If they won't give him that, then they don't deserve a window into this portion of his life.
I wonder if people would feel his parents had the right to make him break up with a partner if he was living at college and she was a fellow student? In that scenario, since he still wouldn't have a full-time source of income they'd presumably be paying for his board and he'd therefore actually be more of a burden on them. Would they somehow have less of a say because he wouldn't sleep in their home for 2/3 of the year, or do they still get to make the final call on his personal life?
Do they get to tell him what sort of sex he can have? Do they get tell him if he can masturbate? Do they get to tell him who his friends can be? Why the hell should they get to tell him who he can love???