Thread: quandary
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Old 12-30-2011, 11:52 PM
ozatyr ozatyr is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2011
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Default quandary

I'd like some advice, if anyone has some good ideas.

I've been married to a wonderful woman for 22 years. We both declared ourselves polyamorous when we started dating. Last year, when I started an extensive professional training program that keeps me away from home a lot, my wife suggested that I should "get a girlfriend" so that I wouldn't be so stressed out. It sounded like a great idea to me, but how to do it?

I hear rumors all of the time about my professional colleagues having flings here and there, but I just don't know how to broach the subject myself. I mean, how does a married man approach a woman (whether married or single) and let her know that he's interested in her without looking like a jerk or offending her? I don't want to lie about being married, but I'm afraid that all of the women I'm attracted to would feel insulted if someone implied that they would fool around with a married man.

I know there have got to be women out there who don't mind playing the role of mistress, but how do I find them?

What strikes me as cruelly ironic, too, is that whenever I hear through the grapevine that two people have had an extramarital affair, they are always church-going folks whose religious beliefs clearly prohibit such behavior as a sin, but here I am, someone who doesn't think that there's anything inherently wrong with it, especially since I have my wife's approval, and yet I have no idea how to get there. Do people just want their lives to be like little soap operas, where they're always plagued by shame and guilt and betrayal? Are these women who have affairs getting some kind of kick out of playing the "home-wrecker" role?

I'm just stumped, and please believe me, it's not that I'm really ugly or awkward or anything like that. I'm in extremely good shape for my age, very athletic, and very confident and personable. So what's the problem?
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