I'm having a hard time feeling sympathetic to your situation, KindaPOd.
It sounds like you want to punish your wife for loving someone else for all these years, and reward your ex-girlfriend-now-primary-girlfriend for pining for you / loving only you for all these years.
That's an immature and self-centered approach.
Why don't you care about your wife's feeling? She loved both you and her boyfriend for many years, and tried to make it work with both of you. But you checked out as soon as you had your adoring ex-girlfriend back.
Maybe you should move out so your wife can divorce you?
Single, straight, female, solo, non-monogamous.