Thanks again...we appreciate any advice!!! We were totally unaware that "lifestyle" would have that connotation! It seems odd though because to us and most of the swingers we know that is a permanent choice, "once you're a pickle you can't go back to being a cucumber again!" It must be a sort of cultural thing...maybe even regional, the Baltimore Poly group we just joined embraces all gender distinctions, alternative lifestyle choices and forms of poly fidelity? They in fact could be the aberration instead of the norm we suppose!
There is a dawning realization of how we would become more autonomous as we are drawn in our individual attraction to our partner and we begin to shape a relationship with/around them. Wouldn't we as primary partners to some degree be able to limit the depth of both interaction and commitment that we contribute thereby limiting the initial or eventual separation (if that's even the word) between us as the primary couple? We do see the potential for an even more loving than we now enjoy...if that's possible!