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Old 12-30-2011, 02:25 PM
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Vixtoria Vixtoria is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 306

So I actually DO have some experience with this. Hubby and I have been married more than 16 years, three kids. I started a LDR with a man several months ago. He still lives at home. He finished his associate's is waiting to get his bachelor's while he is working on getting into the Police Academy or Fire Department. He has been doing the paperwork and staying in shape through his boxing that he's done for years. Now that he has a job outside of that as well he pays his way and helps out around the house. He has a little sister who is disabled so often takes care of her. A cousin 'found out' that we have been seeing each other. I left it totally up to DC if he wanted to 'come out'. I don't shout I'm bi or poly, but I don't hide it. I'm pretty laid back you ask I'll say, and I don't try and be careful to not say things about my OSO. I'm just me. However, being younger, dating a married woman and living home, yeah that could be complicated so I let him decide.

He openly said that yes he's seeing me, it's new, but it's going well. Add to this, he is incredibly religious. He's anointed in his church, works with the youth pastor and has been asked more than once on becoming a youth pastor. Well, cousin finds out, not long before it gets back to family. Mom, not happy. They stopped talking. I felt, horrible, but the truth is, it's HIS relationship with his family, not mine. If they want to speak with me I am available. He has the same resources I have, as he is also new to poly, and so can pass them on. I am fully aware this relationship, may end sooner rather than later. He is a man that will one day want a wife of his own, children of his own. He jokes about me having his kids, but it's a joke because we have had DETAILED conversations on how he, hubby and I feel about having more kids. I'm just not the woman who will give them to him and he knows this. He also knows he wants kids with HIS wife.

I get you don't want to lose this relationship but the problem is not YOUR relationship with him. Not right now anyway. It's his with his parents. So really what you can do is be supportive, be a shoulder for him. Ask him what he wants and needs from you. This is something he needs to work out with his family. Whether poly or mono, sometimes people have to choose family over their relationship, if that's what he has to do then there's not much you can do about it. It sucks and it hurts and I totally get the anxiety but you can't MAKE someone accept you or your relationship. Not your own family not his. YOu just do the best you can and be there for him while he figures out how to deal.
Me: 40 pansexual poly.
DH: My husband of 21 yrs and father of 3 teen girls.
DC: LDR of +9 years/former
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