I am a prescriptive secondary who is very deeply in love with my BF. I have finally gotten to where I am OK with my relationship being part-time and moving on to enjoy the benefits when I find out that my BF and his wife have been having a super rough time lately. I did not realize it until today, when he IMed me and told me about their fight and that he was really close to walking out on her.
Insert my super devastated reaction. The last thing I want him to do is break up with her.
soon, she was IMing me, and I heard some of her side, and...
The short and sweet, if you put everything together... he is giving me all the emotional love and support and not giving them to her. She has never blamed me, and specifically said there was nothing wrong with me. But she asks for things he gives me readily. On top of that, they have communication issues, but refuse to see a counselor.
He made it sound like they were giving it their last attempts, and I realized that all I can do to help them is to take a break from them. So that I'm not being a source of outside sex and emotional outlet. Maybe that be enough of a kick that they get things together.
The question is, how far does this taking a break go? I know the no sex, no sleepovers, and no extra nights hanging out. But is it recommended that I cut off all time alone with him? We luckily meet weekly for games with friends, but there has been alot of personal time lately.
I know that usually it ought to be the primaries deciding this, but they realize this is their issue. However, I don't think they realize how I add just a little bit more kindling to the fire.
I've done my best not to get in between them, or fix things or psychoanalyze, offer advise (aside from the counselor idea).
I don't know what else to do. Part of me knows, that if he bails on her, moves in with me.... it's going to damage a heck of alot. It will be rough on our mutual friends. I will get called names by some people (and will feel they are correct), and I think eventually, he and I would hit that spot as well...
I'm also thinking of telling him that in 3 months, we three will get together and discuss how things are and if this needs to go longer, or if it is time to start integrating me back into their lives....