Veto is the illusion of control and while that seems to be a relief in the beginning of a poly dynamic it inevitably falls on its face and causes more pain when the realization that there is no control becomes evident.
My BF had a veto agreement with his wife who broke it three times. He eventually gave up and let her do whatever she wanted and their trust was broken. If he had decided to ask that he be considered and that she respect his boundaries then he might not of ended up there. She had agreed to his veto but when push came to shove was unable to respect it.
Their trust has built up again but for a time he gave up all control and found that when he did it was very freeing and created more respect for his boundaries than he had thought it would. Not only that it opened up their communication because she no longer felt that she had to hide, that he judged her decisions and that he was going to implode on his feelings of lack of control.
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Last edited by redpepper; 12-30-2011 at 02:08 AM.