In my opinion
My take..my opinion..not necessarily right or yours
I'm not sure why you have delved into trying poly other than wanting someone to love you. That is apparently a very basic human need so I understand trying to accept something that goes against your nature and core feelings.
I imagined myself in your shoes with a partner like Legion (no offence intended Legion, this has nothing to do with judgement, I just wanted to see if I could relate to her circumstances). I didn't last a minute LOL! The ties I have between sexual intimacy and commitment are way too binding and I’m fine with that. I know and like who I am, take me or leave me.
In fact I was somewhat in your situation when I met Redpepper. She had other male interests developing as she got to know me. At first I thought I could just take what "I thought I needed" from the relationship and she could do whatever. As soon as my feelings deepened, (which was very quickly) I knew that I could not give her what "she needed" if our relationship was to be so open.
The difference for us is that we came to an understanding of how each of us could commit deeper and work towards a very specific future. Did we both compromise...of course! No real relationship comes without compromise.
I think you simply are not poly, or poly relationship capable at least not in the approach Legion takes to poly (again no offence…people have different ideas of poly..that’s why I actually am coming to despise the word, it means fuck all, open relationship is at least understandable…sorry..tangent.)
I truly think you should focus on your friendship and the type of connection that works for you. Don’t lose the friendship you have in trying to salvage the love you want.
That’s my 2 cents.
Playing the Game of Life with Monopoly rules.
Monogamy might just be in my genes
Poly Events All Over
Last edited by MonoVCPHG; 11-11-2009 at 05:23 PM.