Originally Posted by SoCalExile
She's asked me some very direct questions like "how many lovers do you think you'll end up having?" and "will you wear a condom?" and "will you be spending the night elsewhere a lot?" (!)* These are flustering me and while I actually have thought about them and do have answers I'm afraid of triggering more jealousy with them and seeing things spin out of control. I'm very conflict-avoidant and, as I've mentioned before, don't want to lose her. That would be a disaster..
This is a bit late to respond, but I wanted to say, that if it'd be useful or applicable, Tristan Taormino's book http://openingup.net/
has some great sections on negotiating boundaries, activities, etc. You might want to tell her you'd like to get the book, and then go through the questions together so you can both have input, discuss, compromise on all these things together. Perhaps if she knows you're not just interested in going out and doing whatever, or making decisions without her, it could also be bonding in some way.
I DO suggest though that if you do this go through the questions and hit any hot button issue, stopping right there and taking a break instead of trying to get through a section while feelings are stressed is very smart.