View Single Post
  #16  
Old 12-29-2011, 06:53 PM
bookbug bookbug is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 756
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonflysky View Post
It could be that hanging in there as he is asking would only serve to delay them having to face and deal with their relationship issues. If he has you waiting on the side....instead of moving things along to be with you...he might just delay making some difficult choices/decisions. If he doesn't have you as a "crutch"...or stand-by", he may face the realities of their problems much quicker.
Yes, I probably should have moved out prior to this. I've now been gone two months, and just now, she has finally acknowledged there were problems between them that have nothing to do with me. I think she had to experience time without me in order to realize that. But of course, feelings take forever to work through....

Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonflysky View Post
Just a thought........ Also, he wants you to wait to see what happens.....in terms of whether or not she leaves him when she finishes school? I think not! Wouldn't you rather know he chose you instead of accepted you AFTER SHE decided what SHE was doing??
I knew going in that should this fail, his primary responsibility was to his wife and children. I can't fault him for that. He's never lied to me. He feels that he must provide every opportunity for reconciliation. That said, part of their ability to live an amiable existence in the future will partially depend on her understanding and acceptance that he loves me as well as her. He'll do all she asks configuration-wise, but if she loves him, she's going to have accept who he has become. (Loving me, while a primary focus, isn't all of their problem by any means.)

In any case, he has never wanted the question framed as him having to make a choice between she and I ~ although she kept pushing for exactly that. But I know and he knows that people are not interchangeable. (She seems to think if I had a new guy, I'd get over the love I have her husband, like getting a new puppy to get over the loss of the old puppy.)

In the last day or two, her husband informed me that he intends to have me return to his life at some point in time. I want this too. And while I know he's not comfortable with the idea of me spending time with another guy, he said whatever happens in between is unimportant. So I view this as an acceptance of sorts. Understanding that I can't keep my life on hold, but wanting me to keep the door open. Which I will gladly do.


Quote:
Originally Posted by dragonflysky View Post
Not an easy decision to make by any means. ((Hugs))
With the help of the fine people here, I am finally getting my head where I want it to be. Thank you!
Reply With Quote