Thread: On Not Looking
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Old 12-29-2011, 03:43 PM
hyperskeptic hyperskeptic is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 451

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
You can't manipulate the universe by deliberately not looking, it will call your bluff.
Indeed not. I was not engaging in magical thinking, nor even thinking in terms of Taoist action-by-inaction (though there may be some wisdom in the latter).

What I'm really aiming for is something like this:

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
But when you focus on yourself and being an independent person with a healthy mind and body, you naturally attract the kinds of people you want in your life.
I guess what I've come to is the realization that I do not have a girlfriend-shaped hole in my life. If I act as though I do, I end up neglecting or, at least, undervaluing my present commitments.

Worse,if I think as if I have a girlfriend-shaped hole in my life, I put an obstacle in the way of the free development of relationships with other people.

Say I'm attracted to particular woman. Wouldn't it be better for me to get to know her as an individual person, in all the fulness of her own self, without pressure or expectation, rather than taking measurements (as it were) to see how well she might fit the requirements of my supposed lack?

And what lack? The thing is, when I look at it, my life is really very good right now. I have a strong and constantly renewed relationship with my partner, two marvelous daughters, a really satisfying vocation, and an utterly joyful avocation.

I do need to develop my own ability to connect with other people, something that has never come easily to me. I think that need is best filled just by being open to other people, learning to see them as they are, not as I hope or want or need them to be for some particular purpose.

Even if I never have a girlfriend, I will be well content if I can connect more openly with the people I encounter in my everyday life.

Or so I keep telling myself.

(This is what reminds me of "The Game": old mental and emotional habits keep kicking in, and I keep thinking in terms of potential dates or potential mates. "Don't think of a girlfriend!" Argh!)
the cake is a lie
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