Bassman: I am REALLY sorry for your experiences. For a long time I shared them and it's easy to forget that not all religious people are like that.
In our family, DH and I have different names. "church people" versus christians. Church People being those that go once a week and assume it somehow wipes away all they've done and how they treat people and they are superior because of it.
The religious versus the spiritual. Religious are just bent on making sure you've 'heard the word' and tell you all about it and get you converted, and make you understand that they LOVE you and that's why you are going to hell and they are trying to help! Spiritual follow the inherent beliefs and are quieter about their faith. They live it, not preach it.
My OSO, it's a rather new relationship, is incredibly strong in his faith and at first, yeah thought that could be a problem. I'm a married bi poly woman! That is SO not what religious people like! so we talked. A lot, about all kinds of things but about how we feel about what we believe and we listened to each other. His faith actually became a very attractive attribute. He doesn't just do what the church says, he thinks for himself. His faith is stronger and simpler than that. He believes in his church, his family, his god. He believes he serves them best by being someone they can count on, look up to, and someone that makes good decisions and honors people. He doesn't have to agree with people or their lifestyle or their beliefs, but he doesn't degrade them, or argue with them. If someone points out that the bible says he should hate gay people, he simply says, "Not my job to judge, it's god's. My job is to love, and honor."
Religious differences CAN be a problem, but they don't have to be. My OSO says he's stubborn in his faith, I say he's strong in it, because he doesn't make it about someone else or something else thinking for him, making judgements, making decisions. He believes in the bible and his god he just believes that he was put here to figure out life on his own.
Me: Late 30s pansexual poly.
DH: My husband of 19 yrs and father of 3 teen girls.
DC: LDR of +4 year