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Old 12-29-2011, 12:18 AM
polyexplorer polyexplorer is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 70
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Thanks again for everyone's comments! It is great to have a forum like this and to feel understood and cared for...

It's amazing the difference a few days makes!

The other night I was so sick and tired of feeling the pain, and knowing that unless something changed, the pain wasn't going to go away because I knew the situation with my wife and her new man wasn't going to stop, nor did I want it to stop, that I stayed up for hours (cause I couldn't sleep anyway) and wrestled with the pain.

I read stuff about the pain-body in Eckart Tolle's book "The New Earth" (amazing book!). Then I looked hard and deep as to what the pain was really all about. I realised that yes, my wife had hurt me because for 6 years she has not been in a place to accept where I was at and to accept another deep relationship in my life. But that is the past. My me continuing the script in my head that my wife has hurt me, means that I cause her by my own thought processes to continue to keep hurting me - even though she is now in a completely different space. How can you heal when the wound is continually allowed to be open and salt is continually added to it!

When I wrestled with this, I realised that the real me could handle the fact that my wife had not been in a place to accept things for the past 6 years. I could totally understand why she struggled so much. The real me was ready to put the past behind and continue into the present and find the joy in this new place where we are at.

The pain-body (as Tolle describes it), was a false me trying to take my identity and make me own the pain. The pain was who I am. "I have been hurt". "I am hurt". With this kind of identity and these scripts running through my head, I continually look for evidence of how my wife is hurting me. With this kind of perspective, and given our new situation, it is not hard to find things that happen that I can turn into evidence that my wife is continuing to hurt me.

But the pain-body is not the real me. When I sit back and observe what the pain-body is doing and how it is trying to create evidence of pain so that it can feed on that pain, I can dissassociate from it. Then it looses it power. It is no longer me. The real me understands the pain of the past, accepts it, and moves on to a brighter and more joyful present!

I don't know if this is helpful at all to others, but I wanted to give an update of the last few days.... I am meeting my wife's new man today too! I'm actually looking forward to it!

Thanks for all your support...
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