The epiphany, now the application...advice please?!
As groundwork let us say our relationship is incredibly secure, we don't waste our time or energy on useless emotions like jealousy/insecurity...we are VERY deeply in love, incredibly happy together and have an awesome sex life!!! We have been delving into the "lifestyle" and this aspect of our relationship has only contributed to our already deep love, absolute respect and total trust of each other. However our "play" in no way defines us as a couple, we don't NEED it for sexual happiness nor is it more than a pursuit of pleasurable to us. Both of us are bisexual with some limited experience.
While sharing some pillow talk the other evening we somehow ended up on one of those questions that is normally immediately unanswerable because of being put on the spot..."what would you like to add to your life to complete your emotional/physical happiness" (money etc. excluded)? She suddenly with a misty gaze softly said "I want a girlfriend," not just a friend but a lover too...he asked "do you want someone to play with or someone to love"...her response was both!!!
The depth of the emotion and quickness of the revelation stunned us both but that quickly evolved into happiness at the recognition of the emotion and importance of the trust involved in sharing such a feeling/need. Though we've been on here for a little while we had never discussed a poly arrangement fully, it appeared we would now need to!
We have a simple set of "rules of engagement" that we've set down that we feel work to start. We have decided that we will always be the primary members of the relationship and there really was never any question about that. Since we understood the dynamic would be shaped by the person(s) we eventually met we can't project what/how it will happen nor can we know which of us will be closer or more connected to this person(s). While we would prefer that this person(s) be attracted and interested emotionally in both of us we know that isn't always the case and we have no discomfort about them being somewhat exclusive to either one of us.
Can you good folks offer any further advice???