View Single Post
Old 12-27-2011, 10:30 PM
redpepper's Avatar
redpepper redpepper is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,634

Originally Posted by padlina View Post
My partner is very resentful to the idea of slowing down for longer than a week. Her argument is that it's her relationship and I have no right to put boundaries at them or expect her other partner to slow down. And I have nothing to answer this, cause I feel that she's right.
There are many threads here to show that it is not a good idea to rush anything or think only of oneself in poly relationships. I know its hard to put a hold on NRE, but its necessary if she wants to keep the relationship she has with you. Because there is more than one partner here she does not have the luxury mono people have to be frivolous and enjoy NRE like a highschool kids. People who have more than one partner and who have children have a responsibility to slow down, make sure thier time is divided evenly, make sure they act rationally and consider the feelings of all those involved. If she has a child then she would likely do this for her child. Why would she not do this for you?

You aren't "putting" boundaries on them, you are requesting that they consider your needs as a member of the now evolving poly dynamic they and you are creating. If they were in your position they would be making similar requests I would think.

You could have a lot to say about this I think and I think its great that you are asking again. I wouldn't let this go if I were in your position. It shows what they are made of and the way they respond will be indicative of how you will be treated in the future. That is a huge bit of learning you could go through and if I were in your position it would make or break whether or not I would want to stay with her.
Anyone want to be friends on Facebook?
Send me your name via PM
My blog

Last edited by redpepper; 12-28-2011 at 03:46 AM.
Reply With Quote