A few things I guess are on my mind.
My wife and I were first and foremost friends. We were for several years before we dated and we talked about the most intricate of things about our relationships with other people. Now, I find myself extremely interested in the success of her emotional tie in her other relationship. I don't want to know any physical details, although part of our original idea is that we can share anything about our other relationships, but I just don't need to know that anymore. But then again, J is a friend of mine. I just hope that I'm not really butting in all the time.
S's visit over last night while my wife was out was really fun, but again, I'm feeling now that I could be okay about it being completely platonic. However, I'm really puzzled about it. S came over last night to pick up earrings and she wound up staying over three hours. There was nothing physical, but she gave that "string me along if this doesn't work out" comment (not her exact words, but implied).
I'm not so sure how I feel about her now that she waffled on me pretty bad. I'm not condemning her actions, but they were pretty rough on my psyche and I don't know how I can take future touch and go, red light-green light experiences with her. She also is looking for a mate in a monogamous relationship, and while she's told me she doesn't want me to be "Mr. Right Now," but she is implying instead, Mr. Later On, all the while she tells me this would really not go anywhere.
To complicate the matter with her, she told me when she turned me down that she was hoping to try to mend her current relationship, which was currently in a bad spot. This is where the stringing along comment was made. (something to the extent of, well, if I wasn't dating this guy, I probably would not have turned you down. proceeded and followed directly with, I don't know if we're going to work out)
Now the guy she's seeing has baaaaaaaaad jealousy issues. Anyway, so yesterday she told me that she'd be seeing him tonight and they were going to see how things worked out. And at 12:30 she texted me, "So, that's over."
So while I've been joking about the string you along comment, and maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing, I'm wondering if she's going to change her mind again on me.
Making matters worse in this I am also in a situation that has challenged my patience and I'm not sure if I'm doing so well with it.
I met this amazing woman this weekend. Beautiful, intelligent, with a joyous smile and I felt I really hit it off with her. However, there are some complications. She's swamped this week and can't see me for several days, and I can't get her out of my mind. I haven't dated in a decade, and I especially haven't done it as a married man, so I'm kind of nervous but I feel like I'm in some sort of a holding pattern. I guess I'm still enjoying the spark of rejuvenation when you meet someone really interesting, but I'm unable to confirm it with her and I don't want to feel like a fool if it is not reciprocated. I tried texting her today to start up a conversation, and didn't get a response. But then again, her situation is odd. She's at the end of a waning relationship and is about to be separated. Now that I describe that fear against the situation, it really puts things into perspective and I don't feel so silly about getting my hopes up.
Lastly, getting used to this lifestyle has been a bit taxing. Just writing this down I feel like I could almost write a book about going through this experience. However, instead I have this looming deadline of this paper that at first I was really impassioned about, but as time has gone, I'm not as dedicated to anymore. However, I have to finish it and I want to knock it out over the next few days, but I just can't get in the right mindset to do it. (perhaps I have too much on my mind)
Fortunately, all of this is a backdrop for the amazing relationship that I've got with my wife and that is continuing to grow more amazing day by day. Tomorrow we get to sleep in together, and I'm so excited. I hope it rains all morning.
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