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Old 12-27-2011, 08:39 AM
padlina padlina is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Poland
Posts: 4
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Thank You redpepper.

My partner is very resentful to the idea of slowing down for longer than a week. Her argument is that it's her relationship and I have no right to put boundaries at them or expect her other partner to slow down. And I have nothing to answer this, cause I feel that she's right.

We have been working on my jealousy, though until last weak it was hard for me to identify reasons of my fears. Passion is one of them, then I found out, that a perspective of her moving in few months back to France scares the hell out of me, I am bound with a work contract here and would like to stay here till the end of it, to have some experience when I start looking for next job.

After quick research on jealousy. http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=18935 this thread rang quite a few bells in me.
It made me realize, that much of her behavior triggers same reactions as my ex did when she cheated on me. Also made me realize why my trust is so hard to rebuild this time - my ex used my quickly rebuilt trust to cheat further on me as I found out much later.
I am planning to go for CBT therapy as soon as possible, since a quick read through few articles showed me, that it's working for me.

I do have a problem with passion as well as expressing my feelings. I think I would need therapy for this too, cause usually I act in rather (too) calculated way and only getting angry makes me lose my control. And it might be coming from my childhood and overall lack of passion and attention at home (blame the parents ).

You are right about the rules. After she told me about her other partner, we have set up a new set of boundaries that help me (her maybe too) to feel safer and that she is ok to accept as not to restraining for her, right to discuss and change the rules being one of them.

I wrote her, asking to wait for me to catch up, I'll see what she answers.

Ps. It's great to read through this forum and see how great community You have created. I hope I become part of it
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