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Old 12-26-2011, 11:44 PM
polyexplorer polyexplorer is offline
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 70

Thanks for the comments so far!

Bookbug, perhaps you are right. Perhaps I am going through some grief yet to be expressed. Having said that though, I feel like I've gone through 6 years of grief! Part of the difficulty is that I still have hope that the relationship may be rekindled. The downside of hope is that it makes it hard (impossible??) to let go and move on. Hope means that I am still holding on, which means the grief is inevitable. But without hope... hmmm I hate to think what the world would be without hope. So I keep hoping and suffer the inevitable pain that goes with it. Like it says in the movie Shawshank Redemption, "hope is a dangerous thing - it can very nearly kill a man...". Funny though, without hope, the main character in the movie would never have reached true freedom.

On a positive note, the hope I have held on to has also had the effect of causing my wife and I to grapple with the situation of me loving another person and has led us to where we are now. My wife has turned around from someone staunchly monogomous to now poly! So there is hope for those couples who are mono-poly for things to change! Mind you, it took us 6 years of intense struggle, but it is possible!!

As to the other woman being open to communication, I tried a couple of months ago to arrange a meeting to talk, but it is too painful for her to see me. It is even too risky for her to open herself up to see me. It makes it tough for me because I still have unresolved questions and things to talk through, but that's just the way it is. However, our 12 year old daughter is going through kidney failure and has just started dialysis, and she heard about it and contacted my wife to send her good wishes and my wife and her have been communicating a little through text messages. Perhaps all is not completely lost???

So maybe the pain is just an ongoing inevitability of holding on to hope and as you say bigguy, I just need to keep talking about it and keep giving it time... It helps to even talk here...
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