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Old 12-26-2011, 08:18 PM
Jericka Jericka is offline
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: California
Posts: 50

From my lofty position of 11 months in to a relationship where I'm dating a married poly guy, my advice is don't tell her that you don't like her.

Don't assume that she doesn't like you, either.

I wouldn't avoid her as much as it seems that you are planning to. I would stay civil, polite and continue to try to communicate directly with her if things come up that you need to talk about. Don't make your lover a go-between.

You do not need to be bestest buddies with her. You do not need to have interests in common. You will have better results if you listen to what she says and do not apply any motivations or meanings beyond what she says.

Seriously. Don't let your imagination loose on what she MIGHT be feeling or what she MIGHT mean. It is stressful for you and tends to make mountains out of molehills. She may have no idea that you think she is shutting you down or that you think she is disregarding your opinions.

Also, 6 months is short. I'm also not certain how much experience YOU have with poly? You say they have been poly for several years, but, are you new to this? I know that I said never to assume your metamour's feelings, but, I detected some relaxation on my metamour's part as I found a second lover besides her husband(demonstrated that I was likely not a "cowgirl"). Also, things seem more relaxed 11 months in than they were at the 6 month mark, for me.
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