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Old 11-11-2009, 04:23 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Alaska
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Default Now maybe part II goes like this...

"I feel like you don't trust me to ensure that I use safe (enough) sex practices with my other partners."

"If I understand you correctly you feel like I don't trust in your safe sex practices. Is that correct?"

"Yes."

"Is there more?"

"I feel like I'm using the best option I know of but that's not good enough for you."

"If I understand you correctly you believe you are using the safest practice available. Is that correct?"

"Yes"

"Is there anything else?"

"I wish if you had better ideas you would share them with me so that could take them into consideration because I love you and I respect your opinions."


"If I understand you correctly you love me and respect me and want me to share my ideas for safe sex so that you can decide if they are agreeable to you. Is that correct?"


"Yes."

"So to paraphrase, You feel like I don't trust your safe sex practices, you think you are using the best options available but are interested in hearing any other ideas I have so that you can consider them as possibilities because you love me and respect my opinion. This must make you feel hurt and discouraged thinking that I don't trust you, frustrated that I might be keeping from you a solution that would be agreeable to both of us and disappointed that I seem to not approve of you even though you are trying so hard. I can understand that because I would feel the same way if I thought you didn't trust me or approve of me and thought you were keeping solutions from me that could help us. I'm going to go home and think about this conversation. I think we can find an amicable solution. Can we talk again tomorrow about it?"

THIS is the point where you GO HOME and THINK about it.


Then come back tomorrow with ideas and DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN!!!



Our counselor says all the time
"Connect before correct"

Connect-make sure you understand, then correct misunderstandings so you can make adjustments and finally you can make EDUCATED decisions about what to do in order to ensure you meet all parties needs.
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