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Old 12-24-2011, 10:55 PM
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rory rory is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
Posts: 497

fuchka thanks for your comment. Yeah, I'm totally enjoying friendship-compersion. And I'm really looking forward to the trip at the beginning of next year, I'm starting to miss Mya a lot.


Things continue to run smoothly for us. There hasn't been much poly stuff to process. Me and Alec had a conversation about coming out to his mother, and we agreed that it needs to be done but christmas is not the best time for it. It's just problematic since we live in different countries and, thus, it always tends to be some kind of special occasion when we see her.

Anyway, I really enjoyed how our discussion went. The last time we talked about that was last summer, 2 months into poly, and Alec hadn't even met Mya yet. Back then he was clearly very uncomfortable with the idea, and totally not ready. So this time, I expected him to be less uncomfortable, but thought it very possible that he would still be nowhere close to ready, and I would have been understanding about it. But I was pleasantly surprised. I just approached him and said that "you know, we need to tell your mum about our special arrangements at some point" and he just said matter-of-factly "yes, we do, I agree". No discomfort, no nothing.

In moments like this, I just see how far he has come and we have come in such a short time. I have such appreciation for Alec, for being willing to change his life and face difficult feelings and situations when his primary motivation comes from wanting me to be happiest I can be. Like with coming out, since poly will not be received well in his family: the best outcome that can be hoped for is initial shock and then gradually gained acceptance, but even that may be unrealistic from anybody but his mother (who I hope can understand in time) and maybe one sister if he decides to come out to his siblings (I feel that I'm only close to his mother on the level where I feel like I definitely want her to know I have a girlfriend, the rest of his family is totally his decision).

Me and Alec tend to talk about poly things mostly when they are somehow relevant to the situation at hand. I guess that is why I'm often surprised about how much progress he makes in between, because I am often not aware of it right away. We are somewhat different in that: when I make progress in something I'm sure to let everybody know. But I think Alec's style is different, and I think he doesn't want to announce it because he wants to be sure he is truly more comfortable with some aspect that he has previously had some discomfort around before letting me in on that. As much as I like to know everything that goes on all the time, I am glad that he has found his own ways that suit him.
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