Originally Posted by melblankenship
The only problem is, my husband is not interested in a v at all. He has been burned really bad in the past and only wants something we can both be involved with together. She and I have a much stronger emotional connection than anything else. I posted on here about one problem, that is all. There is a lot more to the relationship than sex, but it is an important element.
I can't help but think that It's kind of ironic that your husband insists on you two engaging with others as a unit because he had been burned in the past, when many have been burned by exactly that. Any relationship structure can burn you if it's not right for the unique grouping of people involved, there's no one way of doing things that will save you from that.
As for the slant of our advice, it's hard to give more nuanced comments when you've only given us a very limited slice of the picture. We're responding to what we see, y'know?
It sounds like you guys have a really good thing going. Pressure, rigid expectations, and a predefined "right way" to do things is likely the surest way to ruin it. I base this on my own life, the lives and stories of the people I've known personally, and the many stories that get posted here. If I knew a magical way to make her more sexually open to you I would tell it to you, but I truly believe (and so do the other posters, from what I can tell), that 1) there is no such thing, and 2) the lack thereof is not, in fact, the problem, 3) the only real problem is the idea that she needs to be for this to work.
Maybe your husband could do some reading here and think about opening up the options? It occurs to me that this essay might be of great interest to all three of you: http://www.morethantwo.com/coupledating.html
Best of luck.