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Old 12-23-2011, 09:08 AM
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rory rory is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Europe
Posts: 497

In a similar situation I would tell and insist both of my partners treat me with respect and caring. They have a right to know and to express whatever emotions they have. They do not have the right to be jerks. It was a big mistake, and sometimes in life people make mistakes. They have a right to know that you made that mistake. They do not have the right to insist you be perfect, because nobody is. If that mistake causes F to think you are unreliable with birth control, he needs to choose what he does with that perception, i.e. use a condom or not have PIV intercourse with you. He doesn't have a right to guilt-trip you or pressure you to keep the baby or in any other way act like an ass; it is up to you to stand up to yourself and demand respectful treatment. I find it worrisome that you don't see that as an option, it seems that since you made a mistake they have a right to take their sadness/anger out on you. They don't.

And even though you were the one to make the mistake, it doesn't absolve them from responsibility: you are all in this together. Firstly, F should know sex (I mean hetero-PIV intercourse but don't feel like writing that every time) can cause pregnancy, and if that happens both parties are responsible for that. He knows you have somewhat different opinions about herbal/morning after/abortion: if he feels strongly about that stuff he cannot pretend that bc is 100% effective and then take it out on you when it is not and try to pressure you into decisions you don't want to make. If he seriously has such moral objections he needs to make sure you don't get pregnant (with his baby), i.e. not have sex with you. Secondly, John should know the same about sex. If you have sex with him you can get pregnant. If you have sex with other men, you can get pregnant with their baby. If there is no way he can handle his partner possibly getting pregnant with somebody else's baby, he should not be in a relationship with somebody who has sex with other people. When you both agreed to an open relationship, he took on this risk. Thus, you are not the only one responsible for this situation.
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