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Old 11-11-2009, 02:19 AM
Nyx Nyx is offline
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: north america
Posts: 53

Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post

First, didn't you break up with him? So why are you drawn back into this if you already ended this a month ago?
I guess I am drawn back into it because I see potential. I hope that I can get through whatever it is that is making me jealous and crazy and break through to the other side where things can be good.

I am beginning to see that, although I am new to the idea of poly, there are definitely some things I like and could work with and might even be an ideal situation for me. Unfortunately, I am also beginning to see that there are some huge communication deficits between L and I that are proving to be an even bigger issue than sleeping with other people. Lately things have been constant intense arguments and misunderstandings, sarcasm, (name calling on my part) and what I perceive to be his possible mindf*ks. This is a big, giant, neon, waving, red flag.

I think that finding someone with compatible goals in life, similar ideals and values, is an ideal situation for anyone. As I get to know myself and L more and more, I see that indeed there is a pretty insurmountable gap between his goals and my own.

He does not believe that opposite life goals (or even just different ones) should be deal breakers. Although I am inclined to agree on one level of that argument - that of course you and your partner don't have to be going down the same paths to be able to connect and love each other - I have to disagree on another when it comes to Directions in life.

L loves to travel, doesn't want kids, has a free and inclusive lifestyle, and never knows where he will be living one year to the next. I want to travel, but the fact that I have kids and therefore less mobility and opportunity is a hitch. But I pretty much know where I will be living in years to come and my tendencies are to be a little more exclusive. Also, because of my kids, I am inclined to be more selective and cautious, as well as provide a stable environment for them.

I think my ideal poly relationship would be one where there are one or two partners involved and not these huge trees and branches of interconnected sex partners. However, L seems to believe that any partner engaging in the pursuit of any relationship is fair game. I personally would not feel safe knowing that his other gf at any given time, might be having sex with someone else that I do not even know about, believing it to be "fairly safe" and then spreading unknown funk around to all others.

There, to me, comes a point when too much freedom of f*king is too much. I value my health and the health of my partners, current and future. Although I am certainly not free of past mistakes of unprotected sex, I have been lucky enough to have never contracted anything. Last year I thought about it a lot and decided that never again would I 'risk it'. I expect any and all partners to be on the same page with that. The problem with L is that he is a person (self-professed) who is inclined to 'risk it' and that bothers me more than I think he understands.
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