Originally Posted by Terra
Sorry this is so long! I think I am struggling to figure out where my role is in their relationship. She clearly would like to be close friends with me, and I guess I do better when I pretend she doesn't exist.
I don't think her gift giving is really the issue, but this. I mean, if you had some kind of relationship, you might not feel so uncomfortable about the gifts since you knew her intentions, or if you did you could let her know yourself. You don't need to be the best of friends with her, but it worries me that you seem opposed to getting to know her. And in her shoes I would have been hurt by the facebook-defriending-request as well, because it shows her that you want to pretend she doesn't exist. Can you put yourself to her shoes? How would you feel if you fell in love with somebody who was married, and his/her spouse allowed you to date but otherwise wanted to pretend that you don't exist?
Maybe reading about metamour relationships here on the forum would help you figure out what kind of roles you want/need to have in each other's lives. Here's one thread Metamour Love
. Don't be scared of the title, love is no requirement. However, it is commonly held that there needs to be mutual respect for each other and your places in your shared lover's life, as well as open communication.